Part 1 - Behind the Curtains of Corporate Layoffs and Terminations
Part 1 out of 2
Let me tell you a story - a tale of how I was laid off, not once, but twice, from companies I had fought for tirelessly. These were startups where I organized piles of chaos and transformed endless dysfunctions in engineering excellence. I had trusted the CEOs of these companies enough to bleed for their vision. It's a heart-wrenching story, told from the perspective that is not often heard - that of a hard-working, well-loved leader, valued by many, but still dismissed with no honour or grace. Right vs. wrong, fair vs. not, good vs. bad, kind vs. cruel - I've experienced and felt it all. Along the way, I learned and discovered hidden secrets in grey areas.
Part 1 is The First Layoff
In 2012, I joined a boutique agency shop, put on as many hats as the job demanded, plus more. The culture was one of a kind. Everyday was going to fight the good fight with a group of people I can call close friends. We shipped code, launched products, never stopped from blockers, got creative when it got hard, hit impossible timelines, got recognized, grew and scaled, got acquired, got acquired again. It felt like a dream reflecting on how perfect it was in hindsight.
I started to go through a rough phase personally around 2019, nothing I thought I could not handle on my own - tumultuous breakup, a history of domestic violence, and the life-changing transition of my partner. As someone who prides myself on weathering rough patches alone, this particular storm was longer and more taxing than I was use to. I decided before it begins to impact what I love (my job), I should check in with myself, stay attuned to the brewing mental health issue at hand, and considered opening up to my new boss, the VP, about the need for some personal time off. Bad mistake. I did not know this new boss very well, he was the new cohort, he wasn't there from the beginning, through the blood, the sweat, the battles, the triumphs. Worse still, he had a troubling track record of conflict with female leaders. Why was this not a red flag for me? Because he was the minority inside of a perfect culture. I trusted The Company, so why would I worry about Him? If he didn't have my back, someone else, or many others, will come to my defense. It's happened before.
A week after the first COVID-19 lockdown, The Company laid off 30 people (out of 120). Most were newhires, new roles/teams just formed, mediocre performers, bench resources, etc. I was the only leader on that list, and the only person who has served for 7 years. Our leadership team was small and I was on the critical path of many special projects, so this came as a shock to the whole company. As I sat on my couch in my small condo staring at a disabled and remotely wiped laptop, my phone blew up. I think 90% of the company called me. For the next 48h, I couldn't grieve or process, and I oddly had to comfort others. They sent me kind words. References and LinkedIn Recommendations flooded in every hour, including the CEO, who I trusted, but was confused why he put me on the hit list. Am I not the special projects leader that specializes on breaking through impossible barriers, barriers such as a global pandemic? We were friends. He cried on the termination call. I can tell it was a hard decision. He said very little and advised me to lawyer up. Strange. I was level 10 confused, and it felt like this was outside of his control.
I was alone. No job alone. No purpose alone. Locked down alone. Alone with my thoughts. Along with my simmering mental health issues. I cried much later. Delayed reaction. Lockdown had that effect on me personally. I picked up long distance running. The pain helped numb a lot of confusion and slow down the spiralling.
Many years later, I found out the real story from one of the founders who became one of my closes friends. I was not on the list. It was unanimous that I was needed for us to fight through COVID. My boss/VP pushed for a strong business case that since I am already mentally unwell, COVID-19 may escalate my issues, and instead of me taking hypothetical unpaid time off, he thought a nice severance and termination would give me some kind of theoretical, “well deserved, extended vacation”. To what? Recover? Reclaim purpose? Heal? So many things wrong with this twisted narrative. Once the list was submitted to our parent company, there was a plot twist from them to lowball the severance for all 30 people. The parent company hoped not all 30 people will fight back, and it'll save them overall severance payout by starting low for everyone. Awful. Our child company CEO was tipped off, furious, and hence strongly advised me to lawyer up without much context, knowing proper legal council can explain much better.
I started a new job 4 months after. I had 4 months to spiral with my own thoughts in my small condo alone. The only person I spoke regularly with was my lawyer. I couldn't show emotions, I couldn't confront anyone, I couldn't say anything or do anything that could be used against the case they were building. I just had to keep searching for a new job. COVID dragged my legal case. I had no closure. I had no connections. I was just floating. I was empty. I lost the ability to smile or care. It was terrible. The only person that stood around my empty soul was my now partner (then friend and ex colleague). He patiently revived me and reminded me slowly (and often) that there is a tomorrow (and that he’s in it).
So what did I learn? Did I carry this trauma into the future as baggage or wear this new perspective like a new handbag? Corporate terminations is a giant a grey area that lacks global best practice and extremely subjective on what’s fair, just, or right for both parties. Having been through two myself, here are two hidden secrets I discovered:
Last impressions are just as important as first impressions.
How we handle a breakup, whether it's the end of a relationship or the end of an employment contract, is just as important as how we start new connections. Termination is a sensitive transition point that requires heightened self-awareness and intentional behaviour from both parties. As the employer, if you choose to display cowardice, rely on cold scripts, or worst, unfairly shortchange the employee, you’ll be remembered as such, and that employee will likely share the narrative of dishonourable dismissal with the market as they go through interview stages. Similarly, if the employee responds with unfiltered and irrational emotions, their valuable contributions and service will be overshadowed by the lack of grace displayed on their last day. My productive trick is to yell into a notebook (or now unload it into a newsletter on Substack). I try my best to maintain that bridge, for the network effect, for introductions, for future references. The tech community is small, especially in the startup world, especially within leaders.
Aim for an undebatable goal to seek and provide closure.
Getting terminated without closure sucks. As a leader, I have been on the side reading the script and handing out the termination letter. I use to feel awkward, pitiful, the need to stay professional and say little. Stick to the script and close the loop quickly. Now following a termination, I immediately provide a LinkedIn recommendation, let them know I want to check in, but need the release form signed first. Offer them connections to my network or help review their resume. Now I know that’s what they need, even if they don’t ask for it. Now I know there is a whirlwind of emotions, self doubt, fear, confusion, that lands on the person. Now I acknowledge there is a person on the other end of a termination call, not a resource. Now, I make it an undebatable and unarguable goal to seek and provide closure during a termination.